This is my life... and I'm calling ^3wyl out.

Yeah, yeah, blah, blah... some of this has been said before, some of it's going to be a whole new nuclear bomb to stimulate your brain cells!

I'm sure if you've been reading my journals, I've had a rough few weeks/months... but, I want to say something now!

I appreciate the love and care I have received from you all. It means a LOT to me, truly. I am very grateful for the love you bestow upon me during hard times. NOW - the point?
Why express so much on dA?
It's easier than expressing in real life. I hate to see the hurt in my family's eyes when I tell them the latest results from my doctor. I hate to see their pain when I'm depressed about it. And I despise being treated differently. I may be dying? Possibly, but I don't want to live my life as though I am, so very few people in my out of screen life know much about my illness (and I don't think many of you even know, I like it to be my secret... it's my pain, not everybody elses.)

Where's the optimism here?
I AM NOT MY DIAGNOSIS!
I know this, but others have a hard time looking past it. People think 'sick' they think, I should be coddled and watched over. Protected and cared for beyond the point of annoyance... that is NOT what I need.

Coddling, watching over, too much care and over protection just make me think about why this is happening, thus making me depressed.

I prefer to live my life like this...

My name is Tori. I'm 21 years old, and have 3 amazing children. I am arbitrary, loud, ambitious, determined, stubborn, sexual, energetic, confident, loving, outgoing, chaotic, sarcastic, bubbly, clumsy.

I rather enjoy drinking a lot.
I love photography, art, bright colors, stars, tattoos, guitar, music, architecture, reading, writing, sports, my family and friends.
Also animals, shootings stuff, explosives and weaponry.
I am a fighter.
I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, and so much more.
I want to do something extraordinary someday.
I want to save people, I want to touch lives, I want to etch myself into the skull of millions with a positive spark.
You can walk into a loud bar and hear my ^obnoxious laugh and know Tori's here... somewhere
I have WHITE skin, meaning no fleshy tone. I am a ginger, which I despise. I have a soul, despite the phrase. Southpark ruined my awesome hair in 2005... but I still love them.
I curse like a sailor, and drink like one too. I don't care.
I live my life on my own terms, with no direction and no restrictions. I hate being told what to do and will quite often do the opposite.
I've made mistakes, I have no regrets.
My life is a day to day things.
I have goals, plans, and much more, however though I am not my diagnosis, I am aware I could be gone tomorrow... even if I were completely healthy, a lightening bolt could take me out on my snowboard on Tuesday...
Life is not a guarantee, and no rock I pass shall be left unturned.
I once woke up in my car with turf grass and a mini bottle of vodka in my pocket... it was weird.
My favorite phrase is "let's get fucked up and make bad life decisions"... the later rarely happens, but I am happy I can say that without worry.
I know the limits, I want to surpass them.
I am not straight, I am not bi, I am not gay. I am Tori, I will love who I chose. Do not label me.
"The higher you build walls around your heart, the harder they fall."
It's true, they're being torn down as we speak.
I do love, but it'll never be known.
I spent 7 years with one person... I don't know if there will be more or not.
People change, we've changed. I hope we can someday reconcile, but I will not be disappointed if we do not... he will always be my best friend and my kid's father. He is amazing.
I do not expose myself like this often, but I wanted to say it all now.
I will not regret this, but I may take it down.
I hate being vulnerable, I am impatient, scared, temperamental and sometimes wrong.
That's enough for today kids.


^{^3wyl's name may or may not be Brenda.}